Monday, September 3, 2012

Deep Dark Depths of a Bottomless Pit

Handbags. They sit on a shelf of my closet. They are pretty, they are stylish. They are bulky and well worn. They come in all shapes and all sizes.  They are in fashion, they are out of fashion (but if I wait long enough), will no doubt be in fashion again. Even those impractical compact clutch ones.

Gone are the days (thank goodness!) when the handbag needed to be repacked each night in order to match the shoes, which needed to match the outfit for the next day.  Such turmoil when the weather changed unexpectedly and caused wardrobe malfunction. Yes! We know the real meaning of wardrobe malfunction!

Celebrate the arrival of the ‘hold all’ - and no kidding, they hold all, and more.  They don’t need to be a particular color, size or shape.  They don’t have to match - anything. They can just be. Sitting on the front seat of the car, on the floor, balancing on a counter top or hanging on their very own special hook strategically placed behind restroom doors!

If we are what we eat (drats!), and become like those we associate with, have you ever stopped to wonder what the contents of our handbags say about us? What secrets do they keep? 

Let's delve into the deep dark depths of mine.
  • Wallet, now a different color from the bag, in an attempt to make it easier to find in Bottomless Pit. 
  • Two pairs of reading glasses. Different strengths, one pair which doesn't help my vision at all (Am I carrying one for a friend just in case?) Correction, make that three pairs.  Yet another strength.
  • Chapstick - in every pocket. 
  • A sympathy card I've forgotten to mail :(
  • Orbit whitening gum - freshens breath as it whitens. Multitasking at its best.
  • Makeup pouch - more chapstick, lipgloss, blush, foundation touch-up, lash lengthening mascara and eyeliner. 
  • Kleenex
  • A few crumpled receipts - gas station, health food store, certified mail tracking slip, Indian restaurant.
  • A CD I've been wanting to play in my car
  • Small cosmetic bag containing dental floss, tweezer, nail file, yet another chapstick, antacid tablets and headache pills for emergency situations. 
  • A book - Return to Peyton Place. It looks well worn. I've yet to read one page.
  • Hand lotion 
  • Two pens.
  • Notebook
  • Smart phone
  • Keys 
  • Sunglasses
Is this what we can conclude about me? I have poor vision (thanks to the 'aging thing' again), I like white teeth and a fresh breath, enjoy spicy food which creates a need for antacid, drive a car, squint in bright sunlight, have intentions to read, must constantly moisturize my lips and hands, can be tearful, enjoy music, come prepared for emergencies, need to make notes as the memory is not as good as it used to be.

Oh, and that I have one shoulder higher than the other, thanks to the weight of Bottomless Pit.  

What does your handbag say about you? Turn it upside down. Go on, I dare you.

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

And the Magic Number is .........

I recently celebrated, if one can call it that, the beginning of another trip around the sun, also known as my birthday.

I'm not a lover of birthdays. At all. I'm uncomfortable being the center of attention, being showered with gifts and being forced to face the reality that I'm one year older.

In my mind, you see, I'm 38. Not almost 39. Not 38¼. Just plain old 38. If age is just a number, I can choose anyone I want, right? (Denial. Not just a river in Egypt).

Welcome to my double life; and the disconnect.

Perhaps you'll identify.  The brain saying one thing, the body saying another.  In my case, the latter speaks volumes - especially when I look in the mirror and a stranger looks back at me!

Shriek! Who are YOU and what have you done with ME!?

People will say, "You don't look your age". What do they mean by that exactly?  I've yet to figure it out.

My checkbook, on the other hand, has figured out that little ol' me has contributed to the billion dollar industry of anti-aging creams, incredible-lift foundations, mineral make up and under eye concealer, and yet there is no evidence of  the  flawless, dewy, line-less, photo ready, ageless complexion that clever advertising would have me believe I will have.  Has it stopped me from perpetually adamantly announcing to the world, that regardless of my year of birth, I am eternally 38?   That would be uh, no!

Until my recent epiphany.

It occurred to me that if I continue to say I'm 38, which I'm not, it may illicit a reaction (albeit not vocally) of  'oh, poor thing - she must have lived a really hard life'. If, on the other hand, I fast forward my age to say, 59, the reaction (hopefully!) will be 'wow, she looks really good for her age'. (Shhh, don't tell a soul, I'm feeling a sudden rush of years coming on).
When the big 5O was looming on the horizon, my family and friends were more than a little surprised to learn that although I would celebrate  it, it would not be until I was considerably older, say 63. If I didn't feel my age, why should I have to celebrate (that word again) something that felt so foreign.

And that's when it dawned on me. Now that I'm '59', I'm only a few years away from 63, which means I have a whole lot of living to catch up on. 

What's that I hear? Oh, L.I.F.E's calling .... just a minute, I'll be right there! 

Saturday, January 21, 2012

Why, Oh, Why - Why!

Dear Blog,
So good to see you have survived your first few days in cruel blog world without me, but now I'm back! Say you missed me! 

Interesting few days and reactions to our new love affair, Blog. We are no longer a secret, the intimate details of our lives are being laid bare.  A dear friend - you have yet to meet her - was sharing the news of your and my relationship with Surprise and Excitement, when Confusion and his cousin, Disbelief pulled up in a shining limo.  Didn't take What, How, When, Where and especially Why, to make an entrance.

Surprise's jaw dropped to the floor. Excitement jumped (she thinks) for 'joy' (I don't believe I've met  'joy', have you? ) When wanted to make a standing appointment, "you know there's writing involved, right?"  How was preoccupied with logistics, and as for Where, well Where seemed concerned about safety, assuming that there would be writing or typing/texting in the CAR!  Disbelief shook his head in amazement - hadn't there been a 'pinky swear' to NEVER have a blog. Confusion simply wanted to know from Why, 'why'?  Good question, Confusion. Not sure there is a right or wrong answer.
A wise woman was once heard to say, 'left to wander alone inside our heads without supervision, is a dangerous thing! So with that in mind, I've decided my rambling mind should have company, and I've decided it should be you!

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

New Year, New Passions

I imagine, if this was years ago, this first blog would start something like 'now as I sit me down to write'. That has such a romantic ring to it, don't you think, especially when you consider our new language is comprised mainly of acronyms that leave us reeling.  Who can keep track of the brb (be right back) or the lol (laugh out loud, or lots of love, depending on the situation. Note that confusing the two could result in major embarrassment) imho (in my humble opinion) btw (by the way) - the lists go on, and on.  I could even add my own here -  mtmb (makes the mind boggle)!
But I digress. This is my first venture into Blogger World (hereinafter known as 'BW')  It feels very foreign, more than a little intimidating and yet somewhat liberating at the same time, if that is even possible. Liberating or not, all kinds of questions race through my mind. What's the norm for BW, how often should I blog, what should I blog about, and probably the one causing the most anxiety, what if what I write adds no insight, value, humor to life.  As if it wasn't daunting before, well, need I say more?   Maybe - hopefully - those questions will be answered along the way, so here I go, sticking my toes into the water. Hold the towel ready!